


Skydiving Isn't Cool

by anchvrdown, pagodacom



Series: One Shots With Broccoli and Lil-Bag [3]
Category: Blink-182
Genre: M/M, Skydiving, but less so, proposal, so is mark, they're both really uncool, tom is really stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 04:49:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6785896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anchvrdown/pseuds/anchvrdown, https://archiveofourown.org/users/pagodacom/pseuds/pagodacom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom DeLonge isn't cool. Neither is Mark Hoppus.<br/>However, Tom really want to be cool, and would go to extreme lengths to be cool, whereas Mark doesn't really care.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skydiving Isn't Cool

**Author's Note:**

> **This entire story is a joke and not intended to be take seriously.**
> 
>  
> 
> This was originally posted to wattpad on Lily's account (coldheartedweirdo) so go check it out there if you have wattpad.  
> Enjoy!

Tom Delonge had always wanted to go skydiving. 

It just seemed like a thing that cool people would do, and Tom had always dreamed of being a cool person. However, everything he did just seemed so uncool. Dating Mark Hoppus, for one. That wasn’t cool. Having emo hair while living life as a 40 year old man wasn’t cool either. And still wishing that Gerard Way would reply to his texts was definitely not cool. (Although he was sure that many fangirls would die just thinking of having Gerard’s number, so at least he had that going for him.)

Mark wasn’t cool either, in fact he brought down Tom’s overall level of coolness, but at least he had some form of common sense, whereas Tom had basically none. He was a world renowned Dad™ who didn’t actually have any children, but still acted like he had twenty one. Which he did, technically, and he was constantly trying to make them approve of him by cracking jokes about them and their music. No one really knows how they feel about that. But then again, they’re all pilots, so they’re never really around anyway. 

One faithful day, Tom approached Mark when he was reading on the balcony of their very cool house. 

“Yo Marky-boy! How do you feel about going skydiving together?” Tom asked, trying out a new nickname for Mark that he learned was cool from all the kids. Tom was always trying to act like the youth. Even though he doesn’t really want to do the things they do or understand the memes they make. 

Mark was shocked by the proposal of going skydiving, because it meant that Tom’s hair would be out of his eyes for once. It also meant that Mark’s beautifully styled hair would get messed up by the wind. Messed up hair wasn’t cool. 

However, Mark felt like being kind to his tragically uncool boyfriend for once, and said that he would go skydiving with Tom. His exact words were: “Thomas, why of course I’ll go skydiving with you! This will be such a fun activity!” 

Upon hearing Mark’s words, Tom starting smiling like the idiot he was, before remembering that smiling and his hair don’t really match. He quickly frowned again, and walked off to make reservations for them to go skydiving. 

While Tom was surfing the web, he came up with the most glorious idea: “You know what’s even cooler than skydiving? Proposing marriage while skydiving! I’ll be so cool! Everyone will want to hang out with me, and I’ll start a new trend, and, and…”

His thoughts then began spiraling out of control, thinking of all the cool things that will happen to him if he proposes while skydiving. 

His conscious then wandered to how much he liked his uncool boyfriend. He was unknowingly sounding like a 6th grader asking their crush to go get ice cream with them while their mom watched from the car. Tom really had to work on his coolness. Being compared to a 6th grader wasn’t a good thing. Unless that sixth grader had done something cool, which was extremely unlikely. No one likes sixth graders. 

~

A few days have passed since Mark agreeing to go skydiving with Tom, and in that space of time, Tom has managed to make reservations to go skydiving that friday. He also found a sick ring to propose to Mark with. It was perfect, it was made up of three minescule slices of pizza pieced together in the shape of a heart. Tom was sad that he couldn’t find one made of actual pizza, but the metal version would do. 

Some people might think that having a ring made of tiny pieces of pizza is the lamest thing you could ever purchase, but Tom knew better. He knew that pizza was the essence of life. Some people were just too stupid to see that. Tom doesn’t like those people. He knew that Mark would love looking at the essence of life every single second of every single day, shining bright on his finger. 

~

On the morning of their skydiving adventure, Mark was actually much more nervous than Tom, which makes no sense as Tom is the one who is going to be proposing. Honestly, all Tom was thinking about was how cool everyone was going to think he was, and he almost forgot to grab the ring as the two left their shitty apartment. 

Tom had heard somewhere that it was cool to live in tiny apartments with almost no space. For some reason, Mark allowed this. No one really knows why. 

The only plus about the apartment was that even though it was extremely small, it had a sick balcony. And there was a toilet in the bathroom, which was always a good thing to have in a house. Both Mark and Tom had learned that the hard way.

They then walked the six blocks to where their neon green smart car was illegally parked next to the skate park, and realized that neither of them had their wallets. Both of them were 40 year olds who had to carry driver's licenses and IDs everywhere they went because society told them so, and because of this, they walked the six blocks to their shitty apartment with a sick balcony, and then the six blocks back to their car. 

For some reason, Mark was obsessed with looking better than everyone else and walking six blocks to their car, then six back to their apartment, and finally six more to their car again would make a great number of blocks walked. Unfortunately, neither of them had the time to do all the multiplication in their head. Mark did it on the calculator on his phone just to brag to his twitter followers that he was a vegetarian and did exercise. Yet tweeting “just walked 18 blocks,” didn’t seem that cool. Mark did it anyways, and squished himself into his tiny car and drove off into the sunset while Tom panicked over thinking he had forgotten the ring again. 

He hadn’t. 

Thank God.

~

After driving fourteen hours to a skydiving place in the next state, Mark and Tom stumbled out their tiny car and gasped for breath. Since they were driving in a smart car, they had ran out of gas within the first two hours of their trip, and had had to stop at a gas station around every two and a half hours until they reached their destination, further elongating their journey to the skydiving place. 

Let’s just say that Mark was not a very happy camper during that trip.

~

They didn’t have to drive to the next state, there were plenty of decent skydiving places within the city limits of where they lived, but Tom heard that this place apparently was the shit. So, naturally, he had to go there. It was called Free Fallin’ and it was great.

Mark and Tom walked into the main building, only to discover that the song Free Fallin’ was playing on a loop. Whoever owned this place was obviously really cool. 

After thirty minutes of signing what must have been five thousand contracts all basically saying “I will try not to be stupid, and if I do something stupid that that I will not sue the company,” (Tom wasn’t sure if he could abide by the first condition) they walked out onto the tarmac next to the runway. 

As soon as they exited the building, (Mark was secretly happy that he didn’t have to hear Free Fallin’ anymore) some random dude ran up to them and led them over to some tent with harness and stuff. 

Apparently the guy’s name was Jeremy McKinnon and he had a complicated relationship with his hometown. He also looked like he wanted to murder Mark and Tom, which wasn’t very reassuring since he was basically in charge of their lives. One of the harnesses that Jeremy had to attach snaked around their thighs and hips, and Mark and Tom had to use all of their willpower not to laugh or make dick jokes. They didn’t think that Jeremy would appreciate that. Stupid killjoy. 

They didn’t say that out loud either, they knew that if Gerard heard that he would hunt them down and give them a stern talking to. Gerard talking to them wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing, as he ignored all of their texts, but an angry Gerard wasn’t something either of them would want to see. 

After about ten minutes of watching Jeremy attach harnesses to them with his stupid angry expression, Mark and Tom started walking towards the plane that was parked about fifty feet away, on the closest of the three runways that the company owned.

When they reached the plane, they were greeted by two dudes named Jack and Alex. Jack and Alex complimented them on how cool they were as soon as they stepped onto the plane, much to Tom’s delight. 

Mark didn’t really notice, he was just sending his last tweet for a few hours. Mark was an avid tweeter, and had millions of people who adored him and drooled over every single word he wrote. Which was weird, as he wasn’t even in a band. But if he did have a band, he definitely wouldn’t have named it blink-182. I mean, why would anyone name their band that? It’s the lamest name ever. 

Right before they took off, Mark and Tom were introduced to the pilot and copilot of the plane. They were named Zack and Rian. Tom didn’t really like the look of Zack, that guy gave him the creeps for some reason. Nobody really seemed to really like Zack, he spent his whole life being hated for reasonable reasons and because he was a fucking creep and needed to disappear into solitude for the rest of his life. Tom wasn’t sure how he has acquired that information, but didn’t stop to question it. He didn’t really care, and he had other, better things to worry about. 

A few minutes later, they began flying through the air, which meant that Alex and Jack had to start warning them about everything bad that could happen to them. Alex did most of the talking, while Jack nodded and tried his best to look serious, which wasn’t working out too well for him. Mark gathered from their five billion speeches that by skydiving, he could die, but he could also have “a life-changing experience.” He hoped that he would experience the latter. 

After Alex finished talking about safety, (finally, I mean, no one gives a shit about safety. How lame would that be?) Tom moved to sit down, but accidently sat down on Mark’s lap due to a lack of seats.

Mark immediately made an inappropriate joke, making Jack, Alex, and Tom all laugh, sparking a fifteen minute conversation consisting only of dick jokes and sexual innuendoes. Jack and Alex were surprised that these old men had good senses of humor, and were taking the opportunity to talk to them about dicks, because it’s not too often that anyone gets to talk to old men about dicks. 

Somewhere along their conversation, the fact that all four of them were gay and that Jack and Alex were also dating. This was yet another reason Tom liked them.  
Upon being informed by Rian that they were close to the jumping zone, Alex and Jack began explaining that they would have to be strapped to Mark and Tom’s backs so that they could tell them what to do. But mostly so that Mark and Tom wouldn’t plummet to their deaths, although that wasn’t 100% guaranteed.

Jack and Alex busied themselves with attached themselves to Mark and Tom. Alex went with Mark and Jack went with Tom. As Tom was being connected to Jack through various harnesses and cables, Tom told Jack his plan to propose to Mark.

At first Jack seemed apprehensive towards the idea and gave Tom a “what the fuck dude” look, but eventually he agreed to go along. It wasn’t really like he had a choice anyways. Tom wasn’t going to take no for an answer. 

After making sure that Jack was on board with his plan, Tom began giving himself a pep talk which mostly consisted of the words “Don’t chicken out” and “Skydiving is really cool, you’ll be fine. Everyone will soon know how cool you are.” Jack was trying not to laugh at what Tom was saying to himself, and checked with Alex to make sure that everything was ready to go. Alex replied that they were as ready as Brendon Urie, who had told everyone exactly just how ready to go he was in one of his songs which just consisted of him singing rather energetically that he was ready to go. Through that short exchange, Tom came to the conclusion that Brendon was weird.

Tom checked one last time that the ring was tucked in his right pocket, and that the zipper leading to that pocket was zipped shut. Though Tom was stupid, he did occasionally remember things that were of importance, you know, like engagement rings. No big deal. 

Tom closed his eyes, took several deep breaths, and faintly heard the words “Three! … Two! … One!” being shouted in unison by Jack and Alex.

And then they were flying.

Or falling, rather. 

The first thing Tom was aware of was that he could actually see, he could see! He could see! For once, his hair wasn’t flopping around in front of his eyes, and he could actually see completely clearly through both of his eyes. The next thing he was aware of was that seeing was quite painful because the light was bright and there was a lot of wind up where he was, possibly because he was falling at impossibly fast speeds towards the ground with a gay man strapped to his back and a ring made out of metal pizzas in his pocket. 

Tom was extremely thankful that Jeremy had given him googles at the tent, and that Jack had reminded him to put them on. He couldn’t imagine how painful it would have been without them secured over his eyes. 

After what felt like hours, and at the same time, no time at all, Tom heard the sound of both of their parachutes being deployed and himself starting to fall slightly slower, which he greatly appreciated. 

It was quite pretty up in the sky, with a lot of air surrounding them. The sun was off shining somewhere in the distance, its rays hitting the side of Tom’s face almost painfully.  
Tom was in such bliss that he almost forgot about the proposal. Upon remembering one of the main reasons he was skydiving in the first place, he began fumbling through his pockets, trying to find the ring. This drew some rather confused looks from Alex and Mark, Mark especially. He knew something was up. He knew something was really up when Tom produced something from his pocket that looked suspiciously shiny and… and ringlike. Mark held back a gasp, partially because of the air constantly being shoved at his face, and also because he didn’t want to look stupid (too late) or assume that something was happening, when it was actually something else. 

Tom held it out, letting all four of them have a good look at the ring shining brightly in the sunlight, before it slipped through Tom’s fingers and he let out a scream of shock and anger, a scream directed mainly at the ring.

“AAAAAAAAAAAH! THE RING! IT’S FLYING AWAY! SOMEBODY CATCH IT!” Tom yelled desperately his hands flying around in the air as he grasped for the ring, thankfully as Mark and Alex were slightly above them, and also because was much faster than Tom, Alex managed to catch the ring.

Upon realizing that Alex had caught the ring, Tom let out a sigh of relief, and opened his mouth. 

“WILL YOU MARRY ME!?” Tom shouted, battling his nerves and the wind blowing against him, making it extremely hard to speak, or do anything really. It’s a miracle that Alex managed to catch the ring with this much air resistance. Tom supposes that he’s probably had a lot of practice, what with this being his job and everything. 

Mark looked flabbergasted, his facial expression shifting from “You fucking idiot. How did you you think that would work?” to “Oh my god! My uncool boyfriend of three years just proposed to me!” in a matter of seconds. 

After thinking about it for a little longer, (probably about thirty seconds) Mark responded with: “OF COURSE! YOU FUCKING IDIOT! BUT SERIOUSLY, HOW DID YOU THINK THAT THAT WOULD WORK?! I MEAN, WE’RE SKYDIVING, PLUMMETING THROUGH THE AIR AT HUNDREDS OF MILES PER HOUR!? I DON’T UNDERSTAND YOU AT ALL, YOU OLD MAN OF AN EMO.”

Upon hearing Mark’s response, Tom began grinning like a schoolboy with a stupid crush, and Alex passed the ring to Mark. Mark then slipped it onto his ring finger and admired the pizza design. 

Tom was over the moon for three reasons 1) he just proposed to his boyfriend, and he said yes, 2) he looked up at saw that both Jack and Alex were smiling as well, clearly happy for Mark and Tom, and 3) he has just proposed to his boyfriend while skydiving! Everyone was going to think that he was the coolest person ever! He couldn’t wait for Mark’s gigantic twitter fanbase to hear about this. 

Those were Tom’s only thoughts as he was slowly brought back down to the Earth.


End file.
